Using a public toilet is a potentially hazardous situation, selection of an appropriate toilet strategy is critical for reasons of hygiene, especially when you consider that on a typical day your average public toilet will see the full spectrum, from diarrhoea ridden hoverers through to George Michael pleasuring policemen.
Ok, I’m going to start with one of them new fangled surveys
Personally I’m a big fan of making a nest but I have been known to hover when times were desperate (and a more thorough clean of the porcelain would be needed), I’m always a bit nervous about getting it wrong and ending up with unwanted guests in the back of my trousers though.
I’ll never forget one of my former colleagues telling me he was once caught out in town and desperately needed to go, he popped into a public toilet to find the lights had gone, he was desperate though and found his way into a cublicle, grabbed a bundle of paper and wiped around the seat. Later as he got up he found himself slightly stuck to the seat and came to the realisation that the previous user had hovered but had been off with his aim, when he’d wiped around with the bundle of paper he’d merely spread it around the entire seat.
It was immediately after hearing this story that I became a fan of making nests.
So without further ado, here is my guide to making a fine and dandy toilet nest which I hear on good account is a similar design to the one HER MAJESTY HERSELF uses when rollerblading in Hyde Park.