Anyway, I ended up going for a top to toe massage at Dragonfly on Xinle Lu. They’re expensive but very relaxing, you get a foot massage and head massage at the same time, kind of like a spitroast except with pauper migrant workers instead of millionaire football players.

The similarities are close enough, I’m going to write an email to The Sun newspaper, naming and shaming the masseuses, should be worth a few grand I reckon.