Dingle Speaks » bizarre

Little Soldier

dinglesp — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:46:39 +0000

I just bought two dozen boxes of these from my corner shop, I’m going to take them all in one go and see what happens.

update: translation -

American Big Soldier, helps to erect/enlarge

you can see the effectiveness in ten minutes / the long gun will never fall down / extremely powerful

Live Helmet

dinglesp — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 04:07:27 +0000

A contractor just came into my office to touch up a couple of spots on the wall with fresh paint, he’s carrying his safety helmet upside down in his hand.

Ah yes, it’s full of paint.

No paint can in sight, presumably he filled up the helmet at the depot and then rode his moped here one handed, holding it aloft like a waiter delivering soup in a busy restaurant.

After 3 years in China I barely notice these things any more..

UPDATE: The man who waters the plants just came into the office, I go into attack mode the second I see him. He’s been doing it for two years now and he’s still using the same broken bucket. He uses a paper cup to transfer miniscule amounts of water to the plant bit by bit (it takes approximately 15 to 20 1/3 full cups of water to water each plant).

Every time the cup comes out of the bucket he dribbles a trail of water across the carpet between the bucket and the plant, staring at me continuously as he does it.

I swear I’m going to blow one of these days and turn the bucket upside-down over his head

Odd Things Chinese People Have Said To Me

dinglesp — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 23:59:25 +0000

Hmm, another no photo post, I’ll be shedding readers like Swiss James sheds hair at this rate (actually I heard that he just moults for the summer and grows back a huge ginger mott in the Autumn).

Anyway, here’s a few questions I’ve been asked by the Chinee over the years. I’ll add some more when I remember them.

So which side of the pavement do you have to walk on in the UK?
Err, you can walk anywhere you want
(In awe) Such Freedom!!

Oh, we think you really enjoyed yourself when you went back home at Christmas
Why is that?
Because when you came back you are much fatter

Is it true that Westerners always sleep on the side of their heads?
What?
At school we were told that Westerners always sleep on their sides, that is why the back of their head is round, Chinese always sleep on their backs so their head is flat.
I sleep standing up

How many times a day do Westerners go to McDonalds?
Why do you ask that?
Oh, at school our teachers told us that Westerners go to McDonalds several times every day.
Yes, at least several

Edit: Ok, I can post 1 pic with a tenuous link to the last one!!! This is how McDonalds on Tianyaoqiao Lu (24 hour) looks at 6am, basically it’s completely packed out but nobody is eating, a lot of people sleeping on laptop bags etc so I’m assuming they stay there for the whole night.

McDonalds Hostel on Tianyaoqiao Lu, Five Michelin Stars!

Family Toilets

dinglesp — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 09:37:56 +0000

Never defecate in solutide again with this triumph in fecal management by those crazy guys in Korea, family toilets! (I’m assuming, I’ve never seen these anywhere else)

Grandpa, you’re not invited, you’ll have to wheel yourself somewhere else to empty that bag!

Throne Room – Father and son privies

If only we’d had these a couple of years ago when I was a young kid in the UK, what a fantastic bonding experience it must be between a father and son. I can just imagine sitting at the kitchen table having just finished my gruel, excitedly waiting for the moment my father folds the newspaper, stands up and says “grab a comic son, let’s go and make some bum-spuds”

As if the dual outhouses is not enough they also have a selection of toilet papers for every occasion, a smoothish one for every day use and a heavily profiled one for cleaning up after the most viscid of stools.

A selection of personal-tissues for the discerning fecal hobbyist