A lot of the massage places round my hotel in Shenzhen had pictures like this outside.
Apparently it’s a new way of losing weight, by actually setting you on fire, they claim you can lose 15 jin (7.5kg) in 15 days (1kg every 2 days), presumably this is a combination of hair, skin and flesh.
Hmmm, here at DingleSpeaks we do like to experiment with science and stuff but I think we’ll be giving this a miss, unless I have a volunteer?
Most Chinese people choose a Western name when they learn English (actually this is quite common in Korea too) and sometimes the results are somewhat odd.
I know an English teacher, she explained that sometimes they are encouraged to pick unusual names so that they don’t end up with a classful of Janes and Johns. Surely there are enough real names in the English language without having to resort to these though (all people i’ve met over the last few years):
Men:
Action
Wellington
Fish
Fortran
Chivas (as in Chivas Regal whisky)
Spark
Pirate
Evergreen
Brown Gu (Swiss James blogged about this guy but I can’t find the page)
Women:
Natural
Fanny
Mickey
Kinki, coupled with the unfortunate surname “Ho”, (colleague of a friend in shanghai, never met her)
If anyone can show me an example of a less appetising breakfast I’ll treat them to one of the above breakfasts at Pudong Airport (terminal 1), a snip at around 60rmb (almost 10USD). Or you can choose their equally appetising “Continental Breakfast”: continue reading…
Well, it looks like winter is finally here, you can tell it’s here because weird things are happening at the office.
The girl who sits near to one of the open windows is sitting in front of her computer while wrapped in a blanket, I did suggest it might be a good idea to close the window so that the air conditioning could work properly (it’s set to around 26C to make up for the cold air coming through the window) but “fresh” air is the priority apparently. I did try to explain about the somewhat expensive air exchange system which is constantly bringing in “fresh” air that we’d had installed along with the air conditioning but they just looked at each other and started giggling as if I’d said the most ridiculous thing ever.
Also, one of the guys is going round wrapping the door handles with paper (scrap paper mind you, we’re very green here) and sellotape, I asked what was going on and he explained how when the weather gets colder and your hands get cold there is “electricity problems” with the door handles.
I took a direct flight from Shanghai to Taipei on Sunday, the first time I’ve done this since they became available.
Traditionally the journey to Taipei was a bit of a slog, you’d have to take two flights, one from Shanghai to Hong Kong (going past Taipei on the way) and then one back up to Taipei, typically a full days travel by the time you’ve arrived at the hotel in Taipei. What’s more the Shanghai to Hong Kong route is notorious for delays, I’ve lost count of the number of times the plane has pulled back and then the pilot announces “Ladies and gentlemen, due to air traffic control restrictions….”, I was once stuck on a plane for 5 hours at Hong Kong before it finally took off.
So, anyway, a full days travel reduced down to a single flight to Taipei of around let’s say 75 minutes at a guess, WRONG!!! It’s a 3 hour flight.
Here’s the route the flight took:
I’m sure there’s an extremely complicated political reason for doing this, but I hope it gets sorted out soon!
Edit: Can I just add that after nearly 4 years in China the route of the plane came as no surprise whatsoever!
After 3 and a half years in China I think I’m slowly starting to think Chinese, I don’t mean Chinese language but Chinese logic.
The other day we were in a restaurant and one of my colleagues got a fish bone stuck in his throat, without even thinking I said “you should eat some dog”, “what???” he said, “yes, well dogs like to eat bones innit”, he gave me that look that I give them when they tell me that reading while eating is bad for my health.
Unfortunately for him he didn’t follow my advice and continued forcing huge lumps of rice down his throat in an attempt to dislodge the bone. This was all in vain however and he ended leaving the lunch early to go to hospital where a doctor failed to find the lodged bone (more food for me, HURRAY!!!!).
Anyway, at this rate I’ll be refusing to drink cold drinks and walking backwards in parks before the year’s out!
p.s. I since heard that when you get a bone stuck in your throat you should drink vinegar, on the basis that vinegar contains acid and acid dissolves things. Codswallop!!
Wherever I’ve been during this October holiday there have been masses of wedding photo parties blocking our way or asking us to move, presumably about 10% of the entire population are getting married at this time.
I first bumped into a wedding outside the Orden Billiards Centre I blogged about previously, as we came outside a couple were posing in front of an enormous dart board (that’ll look nice in the album), I didn’t get any pics though. Next was Taikang Lu, an almost continuous procession of brides sporting tacky dresses with fleeting glimpses of fake adidas trainers as they lift their dresses enroute to the next location.
Lemon Meringue at Taikang Lu
Next was Century Park, awash with them and their nervous grooms in ill-fitting white suits, fopping around and crouching in fields of tall grass while being tailed by a fleet of photographers and video cameras.
Enjoying a romantic moment next to a broken umbrella, the only people daring to get so close to the stinking, stagnant pond.
DINGLE EXCLUSIVE – closeup picture of the broken umbrella!!
Then it was off to Nanjing where we saw massive numbers of lucky couples about to commit social suicide.
There are four brides in this picture, can you find them all in less than one minute?
My heart goes out to this guy though, what kind of future does their marriage hold when the poor guy has to stand on a box to be the same height as his wife in the wedding photos. If I ever found myself in this situation the bride would be going barefoot, if she was still taller she’d be crouching!
If you’ve got a blog and you’re struggling for something to write about just pick up a copy of China Daily and flick to the China Scene page, you’ll have a million (ok, 2 or 3) things to write about.
I remember picking up a copy on my first trip to China and reading about some kidnappers who’d got an agreement from a young girls father to pay the ransom, so they let the girl go, before they got the ransom… Imagine their surprise when they turned up to pick up the ransom and promptly got arrested by the police..
Anyway, I picked up a copy on a flight to Korea on Wednesday, there’s the usual gold in there:
Mouse Fights
Li Rongfu of Dongguan has a mouse which weighs 12kg (about the size of a large sack of potatoes) and challenges any cat to fight it, if the cat wins they can eat the mouse as reward, it has already beaten all local cats. Apparently it was only 1.5kg (one and a half bags of sugar) when he found it but he’s been feeding it for eight years.
I’ve got a couple of issues with this story:
Surely this is just an ugly dog!!
Turtle Crash
Li Shaoping was ordered to pay compensation to a female pedestrian with a broken bone after crashing into her. The reason for the crash? the two turtles he was transporting in his van had crawled under the brake pedal and he couldn’t stop.
After nearly 4 years in China this story doesn’t surprise me at all..
Man Cuts off Penis
A 33 year old man cut off his old chap after rowing with his wife, he was rushed to hospital where doctors sewed it back on, the surgeon said “that’s the most serious case of its kind I’ve ever seen”
How many cases of completely cutting off your tallywhacker can a man see in a career? and how can any one be different from the others?
This is my favourite one:
Poor Lover Forges His Way Into Prison
A man from Tongzhou District, Beijing called Song was sentenced to 1 year in prison for faking official documents.
Apparently his girlfriend was threatened by a man earlier in the year and gave Song 1 week to find him or she would leave him.
Song couldn’t find him so he forged a Police certificate saying that the man had been detained. She was incensed at his failure so she called the police and reported him..
You know, this story would have surprised me until I read Woai’s crazy story
One of these days one of your Chinese friends is going to tell you about the wonder of Qipu Lu, huge shopping malls full of market stalls telling cheap clothes, do yourself a favour, just forget you ever heard about it.
From the moment you step out of a taxi you’ll be surrounded by the most persistent touts/hawkers I’ve ever come across, in our case inexplicably dressed in tops enblazoned with ITALIA. We told them constantly “go away, leave us alone, stop following us”but they kept replying “it’s no problem, we help you”, “no, it’s a BIG problem, go away”
One in front, three behind
We were tailed by the initial set of hawkers for about 90 minutes, four girls of various age who quickly got angry that we refused to follow them to their stall. To try to shake them we went into McDonalds for lunch, they followed us inside and sat at a nearby table, after a while they split into two groups to guard the other door to make sure we didn’t sneak out when they weren’t paying attention.
McHawker
We got up and started to walk, they all jumped up and followed us as we walked back to the counter and ordered a round of ice creams, they glared and tutted, muttering under their breaths. After finishing the ice cream we got up, they jumped up again, but we went into the toilets, they were fuming. As soon as we left the store they resumed the relentless tactics, telling us that clothes in stores we were looking at were rubbish and trying to take over any negotiations when we were interested in something (no doubt looking for commission). It’s pretty much the closest I’ve ever got to hitting a girl. At one point when I was getting really pissed off we walked towards some of the security guards to continue arguing with the hawkers, they just turned away and didn’t pay any attention.
When it finally became clear that we would not go to their stall they started to get nasty, telling my friend that his girlfriend wasn’t to be trusted, that she was very ugly, that she was probably very old.
It wasn’t just the hawkers that ruined it, the shopkeepers themselves were miserable, at one point we were looking at clothes in a shop when the owner walked over to say “don’t touch my clothes”. What’s more the prices weren’t even cheap (for foreigners anyway), shoes I’d seen on Ruijin Lu for 39rmb (for the 150rmb night) were now 200rmb and they wouldn’t move on price, in general pretty much everything was cheaper in local shops where I live.
Anyway, almost as soon as we shook the initial set of hawkers we were picked up by another set who were equally persistent, then later another set and on and on until we gave up and got into a taxi (surrounded by the latest set of hawkers, staring at us in disbelief as we drove away without giving in to their demands.
Seconds out, round 2
WATCH BAG DVD WATCH SEX DVD WATCH BAG WATCH BAG BAG BAG BAG WATCH DVD DVD LOUIS VITTON WATCH ROLLOX DVD DVD WATCH BAG BAG DVD DVD WATCH BAG BAG BAG BAG WATCH DVD
Qipu Lu – 0/10, one of the worst possible experiences you can have in Shanghai
On a positive note, I once went to Qipu lu with my ex and never got bothered at all, I guess the message is always make sure you go with a local!
Apparently our driver only owns one cd. Every morning and afternoon we listen to the same 18 tracks playing over and over again, I think it’s called something like “NOW: That’s what I call dreadful Chinese pop music”, it was completely soul destroying at first but these days it just washes over me as I sit in dazed stupor, dribbling down the window.
Once I burnt a cd and played it on the journey to work, the driver nodded along and said “hao ting” (or something) but on the way home when I tried to play it again it had disappeared, the driver shrugged his shoulders, he had no idea where it could have gone (presumably launched out of the window when he popped for lunch).
Anyway, today I have this dreadful song stuck in my head, it’s a kind of soft rock ballad with an English chorus, I just can’t shake it, it goes like this:
FLY WIZ MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
IN THE PERFEC WORRLLLLLLLLLLLLL
COME WIZ MEEEEEEE
JUS-A LIKE-A BIRRRRRRRRRRRR
I wish the voices would come back, they drowned out everything…
