It’s no secret that the majority of my readers are women, I estimate that around 90% of the approximately 11,158 readers I get every day are of the female variety and what’s more, they only come here to fantasise what it would be like if they were in H’s shoes, spending their lives gazing into the eyes of an extremely handsome, humorous, charming George Clooney clone (probably).

Well, let me tell you what it’s like, it’s like being wrapped in 10 inch thick cotton wool while floating weightlessly in space covered in kittens, with Des Lynam gazing softly into your eyes and spoon feeding you warm liquid chocolate as Barry White plays softly in your ears.

Des Lynam, spoon feeding you warm liquid chocolate as you cartwheel slowly through space

Let me give you a quick preview of what it’s like then, I’m about to return from my trip to Japan laden with gifts where H will no doubt be waiting in desperation at the airport gates, where she’ll sprint past security and jump into my arms the minute she sees me stepping through customs, well, I mean there’s a slight chance that she might just be lying on the sofa in her pyjamas watching Desperate Housewives again or maybe just still in bed but anyway, let’s assume it’s the former.

Now imagine as we walk back into our apartment, arm in arm and I open up my bag and reach inside and present you with a gift, a luxurious pair of made-in-china Shinkansen socks, depicting the 0 class of Shinkansen train, the most romantic of the Shinkansen series, capable of speeds up to 225 km/h, now sadly withdrawn from service in 2008 after 44 years of service. Ok, they’re probably a little on the small side because they’re actually for children but anyway, just imagine the feeling of warmth and love you’d be feeling at that exact moment spreading from your heart to the tips of your toes…..

Male readers – it’s ok if you got a semi-on while reading this post, it is the 21st Century after all.

edit: errrm, for some reason she wasn’t at home when I got back, she’s gone to her parents and couldn’t be reached by phone.

edit 2: the socks in action: