Every day in shanghai we are subject to one of the most remarkable and magical phenomenon in the world and most of us don’t even realise it. In the west we have the Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas, Jesus and Mr Hanky; in Shanghai we have the Satellite TV Pixie.

Every day, millions of people in Shanghai wake up / return home from work to find that the Satellite Pixie has visited and left sacred scrolls right inside their front door, sometimes he even visits while you’re sitting in your apartment, a silent ninja of the netherworld, deftly delivering his leaflets right under your nose.

These mystical scrolls (conveniently folded to fit under your door) contain messages from the ancients carried down through the ages to be delivered to us, “ABC” they say, “BBC World News” and “all for 1000 kuai”. On many of them sits an effigy, a female, scantily clad or occasionally just sporting asterisks to cover her modesty.

Yes, we all have questions, Who is the satellite pixie? Is it a he or a she? What does he/she look like? How does he/she visit so many homes on a daily basis? Does he/she use santa’s magic? What colour are his/her garments?

We don’t know answer to any of these questions here at Dingle Speaks and nor do we care, we don’t even know if she’s a real pixie or more like a fairy (or as some sceptics claim, a gang of unskilled workers from Anhui province) instead let’s just concentrate on how we can utilise these folded sheets of sacredness instead of just leaving them where they landed as an ever-growing door-mat.

Imagine, if you will, the poor satellite pixie lurking in your corridor waiting for that momentary lapse of concentration so she can secretly slip the paper under your door without you noticing and move on to the next door. “Not such a big deal” you say but imagine that the Satellite TV Pixie has to visit every one of the 10 million homes in Shanghai and repeat this every single day. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could do something to help the poor little fella? Damn right it would! So let’s do something about it!

So, without further ado DingleSpeaks presents the Mystical Satellite Pixie Delivery Basket(TM)

There are a number of objects you will need

1 – a variety of the Satellite Pixies pamphlets (about 10)

2 – a ruler

3 – sticky tape

4 – two chop sticks taped together

5 – first aid kit (for paper cuts and splinters, such is the quality of the paper)

The first thing you need to do is cut / tear the pamphlets into quarters, lengthways.

Then, using the chopsticks, roll the quarters into tubes/straws and tape the ends and centre closed.

Place 4 straws vertically on the table and 3 horizontally across the top

Take the straw at the top right, bend it over the horizontal straws and back under the vertical straws at the bottom.

Continue wrapping around by inserting new straws into the end of the previous ones (pinch them to get them in), some tape helps keep them together. After the first revolution start weaving in and out of each straw and separating them out a little. Continue until you reach a diameter sufficient for the base

Now flip it over, bend the straws upwards and continue, now building the side walls of the basket

As you reach the top tuck the vertical straws back down inside the basket into one of the weaves. If it tickles your fancy why not add a handle using a flattened straw! and a bow!! Be creative!

The finished item, stand back and admire your work for a moment, who would believe that this work of art was made from these seemingly useless scrolls? oh and around 300 m of sticky tape.

The only thing left to do is write a note and place the basket outside the door ready for the Satellite TV Pixies next visit.

So there we have it, for just an hour of so of your time you can help out one of this nations true heroes, now he can just pop his pamphlets into your basket every day instead of lurking in the corridor waiting for that right moment. He’ll have time to spare to bring his joy to even more homes and who knows, maybe he’ll even get chance to check out Channel XXX and quit this whole game completely!