I’ve been looked at apartments for the last few nights, I’ve been in the same place for 3 years and I figure it’s time for a change. Anyway, I made an appointment to meet an English speaking property agent who was going to help me find my new home.

I met her at the gates of my apartment complex, a 20 something plump girl from Harbin with large bows on her blouse (what is this obsession with bows over here???).

Her opening line was “Ooooh, you are very fat, you should go on a diet!!” (she should have seen me before the Professor Dingle Weekend Hangover Diet™)

Later, when I humbly described myself as a handsome guy she looked at me closely and replied “Oh, I don’t think so”

She got a little more random later, between apartments she informed that “I look like I own a lot of books”.

Luckily for me I knew her game, she was trying to “neg” me in an attempt to secure my hand in marriage, the little minx.

She’s going to show me some more apartments tomorrow night, I reckon she’s going to up the negging stakes, probably vomit as soon as she sees me and then hold her nose, frantically wafting the air in front of her, every time I speak

EDIT: just viewed some more apartments, no vomit but she did tell me “you know, some men like other men, are  you a gay?” “errrrr no” “oh, I had a client once, he was a gay”