Endless Mindnumbing Prattle

Girls, please do not read!

Guys, have you noticed how your girlfriend/fiance/wife is ALWAYS late to social appointments?

Did you ever arrange to meet her for dinner only to spend 30 minutes waiting outside in the rain? Dingle has got the perfect solution!

Here’s what you do:

An hour or so before you’re due to meet her give her a call and tell her to take her time, not to rush to meet you at the arranged time if she can’t make it. Then drop in that you might go for a wander round while you’re waiting for her, it’s been a while since you bought yourself anything nice and you fancy spending some money on yourself, you fancy popping into the Longines watch shop, you’ve never had a nice watch…

She’ll be there, guaranteed, 15 minutes before the appointed time, waiting to tie a double knot in the purse strings!

Today’s post has been needlessly converted into Chinese and then back into English by Babelfish.

I arrive at the terminal which now my Britain supplies, tomorrow will go for its mine lunch box’s big style, but is not I seeks help tonight from the supper to the sherbert eruptive fountain, the drumstick and the packet usual remnant thick soup food left over will love the heart (pleasure size).

Sherbert eruptive fountain, if you have not attempted them, is formidable, has fully in central and pot’s long licorice stick sherbert, you lick liquourice, and soaks it to mess with it in sherbert. Though when I am young I’ the d terminal is eating the entire item matter’s my mouth’s entire item matter immediately.

Though the drumstick is always one little strange, I did not know that is assorted they to taste, though but they have their unique taste, good. Though I always like the cool drink. Individual I thought that they will taste are chewing, the candy cane stick is the pain and obtains looks like.

Loves the heart is strange truly, they contain 1-2 words to chat the antenna, therefore you can like through pair of you girl. Though the news was renewed, but these days are not pass the girl and news ” Love heart; For me” Writing; You will discover that the part with looks like ” News; Email me” . Though they taste greatly, sweet and sour, likelihood love!

In this I get down after the Palma violet, and the candy necklace, yuck, the black jack is completely, has the fruit salad and swizzels, I must move to kit kats!!!!

I got a Rubiks 360 for christmas from my mum, my brother-not-quite-in-law Deano got one too. If you’ve not seen them before they’re extremely frustrating, it’s like a gyroscope with three layers of transparent balls which rotate freely in different axes. Each layer has a hole which is opposite the heavy ball bearing (and so always wants to stay on top). To finish the 360 you have to get each of the coloured balls all the way to the outside layer and then drop them into the corresponding pod on the outermost ball.

I spent a frustrating hour on christmas day trying to get just one of the little coloured beads out of the first layer, in the end I had to put it down because it was going to go out of the window, I put it aside for a quiet weekend.

That was, until I got back and H picked it up one evening asking what it was, like me she spent an hour screaming at the thing and making the motions as if she was about to throw it at the wall, in the end I had to take it off her and make her watch tv.

The next day I got back from work to find this:

Damn women…

Presumably someone showed them a mirror and they saw the clothes they were wearing.

It was Yi’s birthday party on saturday night (you know Yi right??), she sent round an email in both English and Chinese (she’s good like that) inviting us all to dress in seventies party wear. EXCELLENT!!! thought me and H, an opportunity to remember our good leaders of the past and don the uniforms we normally reserve for state inaugurations and mass rallys, oh, and here we are in fact:

We were quite early to arrive at the restaurant but immediately it was obvious that the others had been somewhat confused by the invitation, I read it again when it got home, NOWHERE did it say the words “big hair” or “blinged sunglasses”, here are some examples:

Natalie and Sideshow Bob (aka Will)

The Birthday Girl herself

Anyway, we clearly got it right, we had to pose for photographs with virtually every table in the restaurant on the way out later on, even with Japanese!! The meal was rather good, it was at this Japanese place on Huashan Lu (although the issue of wearing Chinese military uniforms to a Japanese restaurant didn’t occur to me much later, if it had been the other way round we’d have been lynched!). Unfortunately we let Yi order so I didn’t eat much, I ask you, WHO ON EARTH orders cow tongue preferentially over sirloin steak??? exactly, madness….

After dinner we relaxed a little and took off our hats, letting our hair down, I even took the liberty of undoing my jacket, immediately women were attracted to me from all sides, I was like some kind of living magnet for the flesh, I will never get used to this curse.

Is there anyone here who is not reminded of a young Leo Sayer when they see this picture?

Later we called in at a KTV to lay down some numbers but stopped off on the way to chat to some Americans, H took the opportunity to take out her book of drawings to educate them as to the way of the world.

We ended the night in the KTV place (Sake does you good and proper eh?) after about two hours, during which time I occupied the microphone for around 1 hour and 57 minutes.

The next day I would be accused of “screaming into the microphone” by Yi herself, it’s such a shame when petty jealousy of a beautiful singing voice can make someone act in this way (my voice has been likened to that of a songbird, encased in honey, rolled in sugar and then wrapped tightly in a paper doily), oh yes, and I didn’t make it out of bed until 7pm, for the record sake really really really does you, good and proper!

More photos on facebook for those in the know!